The story behind “The More I Lie”….

The More I Lie began as a little voice memo Feb 2024. I had recently left my marriage of 15 years and was quite frankly in shock. Who I was all of a sudden had unravelled and I was left with the strings untied in one great mess of a pile all around me.

It’s one of those songs that fell out in one of those frantic/ frenzied moments where you just channel your inner voice and all those subconscious thoughts and feelings fall out in one big sigh. The song is all about 3 minutes 30 and I reckon it took about 5 minutes to reveal itself to me.

Ive always had this thing with songwriting where each song reveals a piece of myself to me and this one in particular was like a key unlocking. I realised how much of myself I had been suppressing and sacrificing just to keep the peace and make everyone else around me happy.

“it’s an anthem of sorts about reclaiming autonomy, being proud of who you are, and not trying to fit in where you don’t belong. Making friends with your little alien self and thriving without the shackles of people-pleasing…”

No matter where Ive been in my life Ive always felt like a visitor, an alien. I used to look up at the sky as a little girl and imagine space ships landing in my back yard and saying “ok little Ness its time to come with us, you don’t belong here”

In October 2025 I was diagnosed with Autism after a friend (also autistic) suggested I look into it. We had, had a conversation and she said “well you’re autistic yeah?” and all the pieces kind of snapped into place. I have since been diagnosed with ADHD too so I am what you call AUDHD. Thank goodness for the people who come into your life when they do, I will forever be grateful for that conversation.

I have since learned about masking and fawning and how they go hand in hand with autism. There is something so freeing in putting a name to these things I thought were personality traits not survival mechanisms and beginning to shed them.

A lot of my songs I have written over the years all of a sudden made sense to me. I had a song called “Outlines” when I was in a band called Hot Spoke “you didn’t have to call me out, cause Im well aware where I fall down, You didn’t have to call me out Ill fall into line in time but for now let me live in the outlines” and a song called “Coast” from another project “Please Don’t look at me Im trying just to blend in..”

“The More I Lie” is a reflection of these things I have been holding onto to survive and defiantly throwing them off. I feel so strong singing lines like “ Can’t you see what’s good for me, was never meant to be for you?'“ , “I’ll admit I only felt guilty for how I didn’t feel guilty”

This song is such a unashamedly “Here I am” moment.

The video filmed and produced by the amazing Thom Davies (who is now family whether he likes it or not) was so important to me in getting my message across. Having my alien self shadow me throughout and then facing it and making friends with it felt so important in portraying and highlighting the overall message of the song.

It’s ok to feel a little “Alien” it’s ok to not fit sometimes. It’s not ok to sacrifice yourself and not live with truth and authenticity to make others comfortable. Make people uncomfortable .. go on, I dare you. Sometimes things and places and people just aren’t for you and thats ok. The more “you” you are the more like minded people you will attract and the less alone and strange you will start to feel.

Ive been croqueting (my new hyper focus) little alien friends, since making the video and feel like they’re a really sweet little reminder to embrace that part of yourself you’ve been hiding. You can check them out on my merch page if you feel so inclined, although I must admit I (and my 5 year old) find it a little hard to let go of each little guy haha.

The More I Lie is out August 29 and I really hope those who need that encouragement to reclaim themselves and embrace their inner alien hear it and love it.

All my Love,

Ness

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The More I Lie…